Wednesday, May 3, 2023
Feast of Saints Philip and James, Apostles
(click here to listen to or read today’s scriptures)
Waiting on the wings
Last of all, as to one born abnormally, he appeared to me.
I will be waiting awhile before a decision is made about any heart surgery for me. Dr. Liu, Margaret’s and my cardiologist, noticed some pushback on my leg, fluid that should not be there. The fluid might well influence the echo result, which was borderline severe aortic valve stenosis. He hoped a new echo on my heart and carotid arteries would reduce the stenosis and postpone or cancel altogether any surgery. We’ll see, on May 24 and 25th, just a few days before our vacation to Port Aransas and the beaches on the Gulf of Mexico.
Or not.
In my life nothing is certain. I know that’s always been the case. It’s refreshing and calming to be confronted with this reality in a more physical way than before. Henri Nouwen nearly died before he did, finally, die, and knows about this:
The main question is: “Do you own your pain?” As long as you do not own your pain—that is, integrate your pain into your way of being in the world—the danger exists that you will use the other to seek healing for yourself. When you speak to others about your pain without fully owning it, you expect something from them that they cannot give. But when you fully own your pain and do not expect those to whom you minister to alleviate it, you can speak about it in true freedom. Then sharing your struggle can become a service; then your openness about yourself can offer courage and hope to others. (from You Are the Beloved)
Own. “Admit or acknowledge that something is the case.” Admit to myself first of all. Admit to God. Admit to others. There can be no pretense, but there will be backpedaling. One moment I’ll believe my life belongs to God, the next I’ll take it back again. Surely things can’t be as bad as all that.
The heavens declare the glory of God, and the firmament proclaims his handiwork. Day pours out the word to day, and night to night imparts knowledge.
Our friend Rory Clark, for decades an established, visible missionary, writer, and translator with Global Frontier Missions in Congo and other French-speaking countries, died on April 28. He had just turned 60. His memorial service in St. Louis will be Tuesday, May 9. When he lived in Urbana we often went together to Danville Correctional Center, where he played guitar and the residents sang, and then in small groups we prayed for each other. He loved to quote the Ernest Goes to … movies. Know what I mean? Or rather, knowhutImean?
On December 29, 2021, his cancer surprised him. He and his wife Marjorie decided to attack it with the help of Dr. Stegall in Alpharetta, Georgia. Rory kept a journal and shared it on CaringBridge. About a year ago he wrote,
Despite a bleak diagnosis (bile duct cancer is very rare, with around 8,000 cases per year in the US), we have felt carried along by His grace. In many ways I feel like I’ve been in a bubble. We have been blown away by all the people praying for us from around the world. We are looking to God for healing.
Rory always linked his CaringBridge readers to a song, as he wrote these journal entries almost every day. Lately Marjorie was writing for Rory more often. She also linked us to a song. On April 28 she wrote,
We were all blind-sided today. But after a while, we realized Rory seemed to be very close to leaving. While his brother Roger was praying for him, Rory’s spirit very quietly and calmly left his body … We give back to God the wonderful husband, father, grandfather, brother, and friend that he lent us for this time on earth. Rory leaves a big hole for a lot of people, but he would never have thought so.
Rory owned his pain and ministered to many others all the while. He did not spare his readers the physically gory details, but his honesty and humor transcended them. Every time. Henri Nouwen would have been proud.
I am the way and the truth and the life. If you know me, then you will also know my Father.
(1 Corinthians 15, Psalm 19, John 14)
(posted at www.davesandel.net)
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