Tuesday of Holy Week, April 12, 2022
(click here to listen to or read today’s scriptures)
Seeing in the dark
Judas took the morsel Jesus gave him and left at once. And it was night.
Outside the clean well-lighted place his disciples had found for their Passover Feast, for the seder which Jesus knew would be his last supper with them before everything went to hell, the rooftop was dark, the ladder was dangerous, and down on the street Judas shivered, squeezed his eyes shut, knew he was alone. He recalled what just happened.
Jesus dipped the morsel. He took it and handed it to Judas, son of Simon the Iscariot. After Judas took the morsel, Satan entered him. And Jesus said to Judas, “What you are going to do, do quickly.”
Judas stood rooted to the spot. He couldn’t do anything quickly now; he had no idea where he was going, why he had made the deal with the priests, and most of all, why Jesus would not agree to use his power for anything other than scattered, meaningless healings. Not to raise up the rabble and turn them into a messianic army? Jesus!
When Judas had left, Jesus said, “Now is the Son of Man glorified and God is glorified in him.
But this brightness and splendor rests on Jesus like a spiked whip, as he is crowned at court with thorns, as haughty arrogant leaders insult him in their false authority, and then as the People who cried HOSANNA turn against him and begin to scream, CRUCIFY HIM!
Glory, this brightness and splendor, surrounded Jesus’ birth in the manger and then it surrounded him every day of his life, showing him what to say, showing him how to speak and touch and heal anyone who had ears to hear. This brightness and splendor, this glory was forever putting skin and face and eyes and words on God’s love for his children. Talk about misunderstood. God’s love had been misunderstood for … ever.
Jesus was deeply troubled. He spoke to his friends, “My children, I will be with you only a little while longer. You will look for me, but where I go you cannot come.”
Wasn’t it Simon Peter who walked on the water? Happily, he struck out blindly following Jesus, and Jesus loved him. But now Satan was in the room. Satan captured Judas, but Jesus would not let him touch the others. The Evil One had dogged his every step and would trip up his friends as well. Satan would kill them if he could.
Peter said to Jesus, “Master, why can I not follow you now? I will lay down my life for you.”
Jesus took Peter’s hand. Jesus looked at Peter, and once more he loved him. But he knew Peter would be in trouble soon enough.
And so he said to Peter, “Will you lay down your life for me? No, the cock will not crow before you deny me three times.”
Peter heard the words of his Master, he knew Jesus was always right when he spoke of the future, but he refused to take it in. Peter looked down at the floor. He did not believe Jesus.
He had no idea.
Clarence Heller wrote of his own recovery from fear.
FIRST JOHN
As a child I was terrified of bumble bees,
but now I welcome them into my yard
and we have pleasant conversation.
I used to be afraid that I’d tumble down the escalator,
but now I don’t hold on to the railing,
trusting my balance and in the benevolence that surrounds me.
I was awkward and apprehensive to be
with people unknown to me,
but now we are friends yet to connect.
I used to struggle and cling,
but now I am grateful and free,
because love has done its work,
and because love is not done with me yet.
Clarence might have been writing of Peter, or Judas, or John, or any of us. I wander and am trapped inside my own particular black echo chamber of fear. And it takes a Savior to guide me through and up and out into my own particular blue-morning sky of resurrection.
But we must not get ahead of ourselves. Now there is only darkness, curling up into the stars.
Love is not done with me yet.
Painting “Judas Conscience,” by Nikolaj Nikoljwitwch Ge, 1888, Tretjakow Gallery, Moscow
(Isaiah 49, Psalm 71, John 13)
(posted at www.davesandel.net)
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