Tuesday, April 1, 2025
(click here to listen to or read today’s scriptures)
Depends
Jesus saw him lying there and said, “Do you want to be well?”
My own answer would depend on the day. And after thirty-eight years of being crippled like this man, most days I imagine I’d just shrug as he did. Another afternoon without hope.
But if I had heard of Jesus, if I realized who he was, if I felt I was at the beginning of a relationship with him, everything would be different. When I saw him walking toward me with his disciples, I would sit up and take notice. My eyes would follow his, and when he looked at me, I would know it was with compassion. It would feel like he knew me better than I knew myself.
Jesus said to him, “Rise, take up your mat and walk!”
Henri Nouwen often wrote from a wounded spirit. In spite of his profession as a scholar, professor and writer, his emotions were raw and volatile. Close relationships for Henri were fraught with anxiety. Even as he was convinced of God’s love, he sometimes questioned it. It depended on the day:
Finding ourselves in a relationship with God is a prerequisite to discernment of God’s will and direction. As in any relationship, there will be feelings of rejection as well as attraction, resentment as well as gratitude, fear as well as love. There will be ups and downs in faithfulness as we discover new things about ourselves and God. In our dynamic relationship with God, we can be sure of one thing: “If we are faithless, God is faithful still, for God cannot disown his own” (2 Tim. 2:13).
This long view of faith helps me understand my own ups and downs. I relate to myself this way, to Margaret this way, and to God, too. It’s partly endorphins, and partly temperament, and partly what I’m thinking about at the moment. I would like to have a quiet mind, letting go of thought after thought, living right here, right now and in peace.
Lately, that peace has eluded me often. I get the feeling that whoever I’m with notices it, too. Like Clarence Heller sees himself sometimes:
There’s a little devil that takes up residence inside me, sometimes,
jumps around and pokes me with a sharp stick
just in the most painful spots, to set me off,
releasing unkindness into the atmosphere,
impatience, selfishness, inconsideration,
like a little steam spouting from a tea kettle,
it stings,
and so I pray for mercy…
from my God, but even more,
from those people who love me,
the ones I can trust enough to get singed
and not run away.
I may at least consider taking a nap
or lightening my schedule, but mostly,
I am counting on the strength, kindness,
perseverance and forgiveness of the victims. – Clarence Heller
Sitting beside the Pool of Siloam, I wait more or less quietly for a miracle.
He brought me to the bank of the river, where he had me sit.
Now Jesus comes with the miracle of his presence and his touch, and I am healed.
(Ezekiel 47, Psalm 46, Psalm 51, John 5)
(posted at www.davesandel.net)
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