Monday, August 26, 2024
(click here to listen to or read today’s scriptures)
Living with God in divorce
We boast of you regarding your endurance and faith in all your persecutions and the afflictions you endure.
My friend and I were talking about the how to not just be mindful, but actually put the well-being of your pre-teenage kids ahead of yours when you are being divorced.
How could it possibly benefit the kids for them to lose their home? So then, does the mortgage continue to be paid by a father or mother when they are no longer living there? And how much time should each child spend with each parent? Who gets to make those rules? Does the kiddo have a say in this?
If we didn’t pray together before the divorce, can we learn to do that after, for the sake of the children? Should we both continue to go to the same church, participate in the same bible studies, speak with the same pastor? Separately or together? How does our decision affect our kids?
Beyond shared faith, domicile, finances and children, marriage mostly means spending time together when we can, going on a vacation or two, sharing hopes and dreams on the best days. All of this is difficult when two people stop talking, stop caring, stop having sex or sleeping in the same room, stop accompanying each other to the doctor, stop thinking together about the near and distant future.
We always pray for you, that God may make you worthy of his calling and bring to fulfillment every good purpose and every effort of faith.
I think my friend is making decisions about the kids with compassion and courage, standing up for them rather than himself. The three children are bound to take sides, and probably the sides will vary from time to time, and from child to child. They will learn (we hope) to pray with one parent at a time, instead of around the table.
There’s plenty of documentation about how children are damaged by divorce. Of course they will blame themselves for this disaster, but not know how to say so. The consequent pain takes many forms.
But how they might benefit from divorce isn’t much talked about – how their prayer life could become more focused and independent, how their communication with father and mother separately will be more complete, as any one-on-one conversation beats a group chat every time. If one parent loses their stability, the other might not – in their finances or their addictions or their faith.
But those kids are the ones with skin in the game, not us. They are the ones who, ten years from now, might be asked by a counselor or potential spouse to tally up their wins and losses. Do not be afraid, little ones, for your Father has chosen gladly to give you his kingdom.
We thank God always for you, because your faith flourishes more and more, and the love of every one of you for one another grows greater and greater.
And for my friend, who might often agonize over the lost family time, it will be fascinating for him to see how his spiritual life changes, and how even as he is apart from them, his prayers for his family will still be powerful and effective.
Let Jesus’ name be glorified in you, and you in him, in accord with the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ.
 (2 Thessalonians 1, Psalm 96, John 10, Matthew 23)
(posted at www.davesandel.net)
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