April 29, 2029 (today’s lectionary)
A severe persecution has broken out and all have been scattered. Blood spilled, panic in the courtyards, soldiers poking swords and spears where they have no business, no smiles on the men in power but only jutting chins and hooded eyes while they order these horrors and quickly turn away. Stephen has been stoned and killed, and we are next.
Saul, meanwhile, was trying to destroy the Church, entering house after house and dragging out men and women for imprisonment.
Often these days our conversation turns to suffering, simple suffering, compounded suffering, comparing the suffering of the past to that of the present. Sometimes I cherish suffering (am I being masochistic?) because in it I turn ever more quickly to grief, then to prayer and faith, and finally in spite of my human self, to God.
I don’t want to be beholden, God. You made me, I know, but after that am I not supposed to get along on my own? I have never really believed that I will die, and I don’t yet. How silly that is! But because of it I struggle both to remember my creation and receive my death.
Don’t you want to live life to its fullest, David? You will, you know, when you feel in the core of your soul that it will end.
End? What about heaven?
Yes, heaven. But you cannot live well here and now, thinking about the there and then. Let me take care of heaven.
Unclean spirits complaining came out. Possessed people were free and cured, and there was great joy in the city.
How long could I, if that were me, remember being un-possessed? All my life. How long would I rejoice? An hour or two. Is that OK? Have I betrayed the Un-possessor? Perhaps I fall back into the sleeping Satan’s mouth as soon as I stop leaping and laughing?
No, you don’t. That is poppycock, Satan’s mouth.
It is very helpful to your soul if you find a practice to perpetuate your praise. Pray Pray Pray, a simple prayer. Tis a gift to be simple. You are made to live simply from your gut, and your emotions and your thoughts help you live that way. When they don’t, especially when they take over, take note. Your joy will turn to despair, simply because you are counting far too much on your joy. (Acts 8)
You could pray the Jesus prayer, or the Rosary, or part of Psalm 51, or Psalm 23. You could make up your own Breath Prayer and breathe through it all day.
Let all the earth cry out to God with joy!
There are facts involved. He has done great things. Come and see! Alleluia!
Can I be joyful both within and without the emotion part? My joy starts in my mind, is heartened and nourished in my heart, and then floods down through my body to the tips of my fingers and my toes. Shivering timbers! Let the earth cry out. (Psalm 66)
Be bread, and do not sin. You are better at being bread than me, Lord. I am the bread of life! You will not hunger or thirst, but still you do not follow me and live as you could loving others with all your mind and all your soul. What is your problem?
I think my problem is that I want to be my own bread, or at least I have trouble believing that I need bread from you. I have always been able to get what I need and what I want, and I’m almost ruined by it. You made me just a little lower than the angels, and I’ve taken that for granted and taken it to the bank. And not just me, we all are nearly ruined for it. Oh woe to the eaters from that tree. Good and Evil are not what they seem to be.
So what should we do about that?
Jesus said, “This is the will of the one who sent me, that I should not lose anything of what he gave me but that I should raise it on the last day.”
I think he is saying I won’t be ruined, at least not completely. I also think he’s saying I need to see how he lives and live like him, so that ruination will be stopped and turned back and changed and resurrected. Reversed. Live with less fear and more generosity.
I think you’re right. Can you live that way?
Will you help me?
I thought you said you didn’t need my help.
Oh. Yeah. I take it back. I see you’re laughing. With me? At me?
Both, David. Both.
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