My mind rests
Let us destroy him by his own tongue.
– From Jeremiah 18
And Jeremiah responds, “Must good be repaid with evil that they should dig a pit to take my life?” Hearing God since he was a child, Jeremiah has shouted out strong condemnations of religious leaders in Judah. He knows God loves the people he is yelling at. But their response is not repentance. The reject Jeremiah, throw him into deep wells or toss him on top of the garbage. They cover their ears and hold their noses.
Jeremiah is afraid, angry and resentful, and he is really frustrated with God. “You have seduced me, and I was seduced.”
I find myself rolling around the words I wrote yesterday about gun violence and morality, about my guilt and my anger, and above all, what I wrote about injury. Some are injured in their bodies and their families; others like me have less skin in the game. Can we all be in the same room and take turns sharing? Or will we destroy each other with our own tongues?
There are victims and there are villains. In my life those roles reverse often. I tread lightly these days in political discussions that so quickly turn opinionated. Threads of truth wind through all these points of view.
Questions have great value, but “answers” are usually tentative, often uninformed, and always multi-faceted. No much is simple. And once I settle on an answer, I stop asking questions. That might be a good thing when it comes to scheduling trips. But should answers remove us from the adventure of searching for the patterns of life, death and eternal life?
In Augustine’s Confessions he says, first of all, “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you.” But then he arrests me with these words: “We are talking about God. What wonder is it that you do not understand? If you do understand, then it is not God that you understand.”
“My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord” (Isaiah 55).
Can I settle anywhere while seeking the threads of truth? Rainer Maria Rilke, German poet without peer, wrote to his friend one day, “Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything.”
Rilke seems to be holding out hope that there will be some things someday that I can somewhat understand. I do know that my questions have changed over the years. Most answers remain elusive, but I so enjoy the flitting possibilities, like butterflies, that raise my eyes toward heaven.
God, your goodness endures forever. In my life, loving me, you are as gentle as a yellow butterfly on the breeze and as solid as a boulder in the stream. Always I can rest in you, whether or not I understand anything beyond the truth of that deep breath I take as I know you’re here. Aaaahhh!
http://www.davesandel.net/category/lent-easter-devotions-2018/
http://www.christiancounselingservice.com/archived_devotions.php?article_id=1668
