Love language 1
Jesus said to his disciples, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your heavenly Father.”
– From Matthew 5
Richard Rohr says love is like a mirror, without ego and without mind. It reflects whatever comes in front of it. The mirror provides neither comforting nor convicting self-consciousness; it just shows what IS. “The mirror is always empty of itself and therefore able to receive the other.” Its acceptance is unconditional. Therefore the mirror is the “perfect lover.”
We might say this is part of God’s way of seeing. We “must be no-thing so that we can receive some-thing.” To be no-thing means that we are free from excessive judgment, opinion and feeling about what we see. It is not loving toward others or toward myself when I have carelessly gathered opinions, feelings and mental commentary about everyone and everything I encounter. When I remember that I’m a child of God, then my self does not take center-stage.
My self-sufficiency, my self-talk, my self-confidence, even my self-awareness are gifts-interrupted when they turn me back toward myself rather than toward God.
Rohr reminds me that famous spiritual people sometimes called saints, “actually prayed for experiences of failure and rejection.” They did this because “finding God and losing the self are the same thing.”
I hear a clamoring in the back of my mind. “But … but … but!” I hope that word will change to “And … and … and!” There is another side to our understanding of God’s way of seeing, and God’s way of loving. This metaphor of the mirror is part of that understanding, but there is more. Tune in tomorrow for “Love Language 2.”
For now, I remember the joy of being seen, and known, and loved by another person who listens to me like a mirror. To listen is not just to hear, but also to let the other person KNOW that you hear.
“I hear you.” That’s a start.
“Tell me more.” That’s a good start.
I try to keep in mind that every unit of experience includes four parts: an event, a thought about the event, a feeling generated by that thought, and a decision about what I’ll do next. Psychologist and philosopher Albert Ellis simplifies this with the ABC’s, and puts it to use in what is sometimes called CBT, or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy:
A ctivating event occurs (for example, I see a snake in the grass outside our front door)
B elief in my mind (I think how much I love the feel of snakeskin, how expensive it is, how shivery smooth …)
C onsequential feeling which stems from the thought (I feel thrilled that there is a snake in our own front yard!)
D ecision (I could try to catch that snake and bring it in to show Margaret)
I don’t catch the snake, but I do go in and tell Margaret my story. A-B-C-D. What happened, what I’m thinking, what I’m feeling, what I want to do.
Without a doubt, Margaret will have a different B-C-D. “Don’t you even think of bringing that snake inside the house!” But if she jumps into her story too soon, she will fail to listen, she will fail to let me know that she hears me, and a mirroring moment is lost. As she shudders with fear and disgust, her love-mirror is shattered.
I guess I put that on Margaret, didn’t I? Could just as easily have been me. Usually it’s me.
God’s way of seeing, and our way of learning to see how God sees, involves that mirror. We can learn to listen and see with fewer prejudices and preconditions, with much less comparison or judgment, suspending excessive evaluation and taking making no self-defensive moves in thought, word or deed.
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Tune in tomorrow for the second metaphor. (And take a look at Richard Rohr’s Spring 2018 “Mendicant.”
Lord, when I see someone as too much different from me, it’s a short step to calling her my enemy. But you have never given me the right to call her enemy, only to call her sister. So please show me how to hear her point of view, how to try on her shoes, how to walk in her path. I want to learn your way of seeing and your way of loving, and not depart from it. Amen.
Â
http://www.davesandel.net/category/lent-easter-devotions-2018/
http://www.christiancounselingservice.com/archived_devotions.php?article_id=1664
