The power of TED
Blessed is the man who follows not the counsel of the wicked, but delights in the law of the Lord. He is like a tree planted near running water. Whatever he does prospers. – from Psalm 1
Often the counsel of the wicked beats inside my own skull, crying to come out. When I hear it in the words, or silences, of others, my heart beats faster. Either I feel angry, or I feel afraid.
Stephen Karpman described his “drama triangle.” It consists of three positions for three people: an attacker, a victim, and a rescuer. Of course there are many true victims in the world, but in this drama the “victim” occupies a familiar position of self-pity and false powerlessness.
Usually people in this drama don’t stay quietly in one position. It is easy to move around, because what all three have in common is fear.
Most of us are too familiar with this game, and we find ourselves caught in it too often.
There is an alternative, suggested by David Emerald, called The Empowerment Dynamic. TED centers on God, not on fear.
The roles in this drama are challenger, creator, and coach. Rather than experiencing accusation about the past, as does a victim, the creator looks toward the future and is encouraged to ask, “What do I want?” I don’t need anyone’s permission to ask this question, and its answers are available to me in every situation.
While the rescuer fixes my problem and does my work for me, a coach helps me refine my desired outcome and look for ways to accomplish it. This is satisfying, just as being planted near a stream satisfies our deepest roots. It’s not flashy, it won’t bring attention and fame, and it requires respect and a sense of equality with the creator.
Learning the moves of each of these positions helps the attacker disengage from his own negatives. We aren’t really interested in causing pain, bringing misery to another, hating. How could we be? All those behaviors make us miserable too. The attacker might be the most fearful one of all, hiding behind bravado. It is so much more fun to be a challenger, to cooperate with creators and refashion the future together.
What I love about this is that the power of TED relies on God’s quiet, eternal strength, not my own momentary, fragile power. The power of TED results in honesty, forgiveness, freedom and joy. By choosing the joy of my salvation over ego and being “right,” I avoid what Bill Gothard called “becoming like the one I hate.”
For this dynamic I am truly grateful, Lord. In your light, I see light. And as I breathe in the air that you breathe out, Father, I learn to yield my fruit in due season, not too soon and not too late.
 http://www.davesandel.net/category/advent-and-christmas-devotions-2017/
http://www.christiancounselingservice.com/archived_devotions.php?article_id=1629
