John’s questions
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Tuesday of Holy Week
http://www.usccb.org/bible/readings/032613.cfm
John 13:23-25
One of his disciples, the one whom Jesus loved, was reclining at Jesus’ side. So Simon Peter nodded to him to find out whom he meant. He leaned back against Jesus’ chest and said to him, “Master, who is it?”
Peter wants me to ask Jesus who he is talking about when he talks of betrayal. One of us? How could that be? One of us, surely not! We have been with each other and with Jesus nearly every moment of every day for three years.
Still, I understand why Peter doesn’t himself ask Jesus. Peter thinks Jesus might mean him. Jesus told us that the devil wants to “sift us like wheat,” and he wants Peter to strengthen us in that darkness. He said to Peter, “Once you have turned back, you must strengthen your brothers.” I know Peter didn’t understand what Jesus meant. He does not plan to turn away, so he shouldn’t need to turn back.
We are all afraid, I can feel it in the way we hold our breath, and the way we have trouble meeting Jesus’ eyes. None of us understand him anymore. All his words are about the future, and whatever he says portends doom. The celebration of coming into Jerusalem, just a few days ago, is quietly over.
When we walked so slowly to Bethany after getting news that Lazarus died, I wanted him to hurry. He smiled and paid me no heed. We moved at a snail’s pace through the country toward Bethany. I thought Jesus could heal his friend. And of course, he did much more than that.
Will he raise me, too, when I die?
Jesus rarely answers questions when we ask them, except to ask us questions of his own. And he doesn’t want us to be jealous of each other, and how he relates to us each so differently. Even after being with him so much, we are still petty and small-minded. We are lovers of ourselves. I wonder if Jesus regrets choosing any of us. I would have some regrets, I think, if I were him.
Jesus is not healing people now. He is not preaching now, either. Mostly, he is just waiting. And each day seems longer than the next. Still, Jesus smiles at me sometimes. He sleeps soundly. He seems relaxed. We are afraid, but he is not. I love him more now than ever!
Jesus, you are about to be made glorious in the sight of God. Your Abba is your strength. He is making you a light to the nations, all the nations everywhere, that his sweet salvation may reach across the earth. God has made you a polished arrow, Jesus, a sharp-edged sword that he conceals in the shadow of his arm. (Isaiah 49)
http://www.christiancounselingservice.com/archived_devotions.php?article_id=1179
