Once I was blind, but now I see

Tuesday, December 5, 2000

Matthew 15:31
The people were amazed when they saw the mute speaking, the crippled made well, the lame walking and the blind seeing.

I am trying to remember the last time I was amazed…was it when I was 10, and we drove to Havana (so far!) to find and cut just the right Christmas tree? My sister Mary, only 7, my brother John, 4 years old, my mom…and my dad. Strong and denim-blue in his newer work coat, he carried the tree saw. His face was red with the cold. He smiled, and his white teeth flashed. We scattered among the green trees, and he watched us run. I think he loved being there with us.

We had a long time looking at so many trees before we could settle on the One. I imagine mom and dad might have been impatient with us, but I don’t remember the impatience. I remember the crunch of the cold snow, and I remember the sun shining in the blue sky, and I remember how good it felt to help dad carry that One Perfect Tree to the car. Mary was jumping up and down. With … glee! And we were all amazed.

In the 1950’s Lawrence Ferlinghetti, a very early member of the beat generation, wrote a poem called “I am Waiting.” He wrote,

I am waiting
to get some intimations
of immortality
by recollecting my early childhood
and I am waiting
for the green mornings to come again
youth’s dumb green fields come back again…
and I am perpetually awaiting
a rebirth of wonder

I refuse to lose forever my child’s right to be amazed. I will not relinquish the freedom to expect miracles. In the disappointments and grief of the world, I will expect and watch for the touch of heaven. The mute will speak, the lame will walk, the lion will lie down with the lamb. Jesus will be born, and I will be born again. And again and again and again.

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence. Restore unto me the joy, O Lord, of thy salvation.